rambling in the labyrinth

I'm all worn out..

Like an old lady without anymore energy left..

To bring her back home to enjoy the warmth..

The comfort...and security.

Totally tired...

From all the work that I've been dealing with..

Simply knowing that more is coming up..

And much more hectic than rite now,

I shouldn't be yapping my mouth and whine too much.

Tight schedules, hectic timings..  

Make things so much difficult than it is..

Challenge may seem to be the word...

Overcoming it is another problematic word..

Meanwhile..

Watch me be all tied up with endless work..

Watch me be exhausted without a soul...

Watch me be..

Shagged.

I seriously thought my cough was getting better. I didn't know that it came back again. It's starting to get really irritating.

Lately I dun really write bout sensical things. I have no idea why..

Distracted mb, not in the mood or jus writing for the sake of writing, I no longer know.

I can't say out my thoughts sometimes cos I think they're kinda disturbing.

Oh well..I'm strange anyway.

Welcome to my strange life.

Well, this title was taken from Joy Fielding's book which I have yet to touch on..(will do so tomorrow). I dun think wat I'm going to say now has got any relevance to the content of the book.

My heart practically stopped when this bloody kid kept crying and crying when she was bout to take a shower by her mom. It happened EVERYDAY. And wat's worse was that her wailings would go LOUDER and more shrill each time the water splashed on her. Then her mom would go, "Ohhh ho!!"

I closed my eyes and hoped that the cryings would stop. Sad to say my prayers weren't answered. Instead, the bloody kid went on screaming at the top of her lungs for bout 10 minutes. Then they finally subsided. Thank goodness. I think the bloody kid's shower was way done and over and now it was probably the mom cos I could still hear the splashing of the water..well, she might be splashing the water to get rid of the soap or watever. In any case, I didn't care. I jus wanted the cryings to stop!

Wat's so difficult to take a shower? It's something that the bloody kid had to got through EVERYDAY. And each time, she wailed and cried like sif she would never see sunlight again. If it were my child, I would have slapped her hard and say, "If you don't wanna shower now, don't ever shower again."

Hmm.. I can see myself as a violent parent. For now.

So yeah. It was a heart stopping moment for me, while I was trying to read my book. Bloody hell.

Imagine reading ur book The Pillars of the Earth (which is 1087 pages on total) versus bloody kid wailing because of her refusal to shower. Kid wins.

I hate to be in a situation where I can't think properly.

Is it THAT difficult to find out whether I like or I don't?

Many times I've told myself not to bother but somehow, my bloody heart didn't listen to me. Instead it flew off to somewhere else...somewhere I couldn't even understand myself.

I seriously have no idea where this is going to lead me to.

finally i'm here to write something.

not that i don hav anything to share.

shall i reveal myself ?

aha, not the full story of cos (n i doubt 'll it b any1 interested in)

n so i'm blogging in my mind !

cant make a denial of :

i'm just too lazy !

i'm miss lazybone !!

I had only 6 hours ( or slightly less) of sleep this morning. I even had this urge not to wake up early cos i felt SO TIRED man. But i came to remember that i had make my promise for goin to book fair with my family. So i just HAD to go.

It was pretty hot day to begin with and while in train, it rained. I had mixed feelings abt it. I also didnt know why.. but i suddenly felt kinda emotional while sitting beside my mom. We'll get to d emotional part later on. Back to the book fair part.

So we reached there, purchased tickets and then we wandered a bit before settling down to go inside the hall. Made a wrong move because we should have come during weekdays instead of bloody sunday. The moment we stepped inside, we felt our knees wobbling. It's because of the crowd of cos. It was super squeezy. And there's many ppl lining up for some free samples of dunno what product. The queue was really long.............

See the 'FREE' word.. really harmed quite a lot of people.

I saw some familiar faces but because it was my family day, so i didnt really gather with them. I mostly hung around with my mom and bro. i was kinda enjoyed reading and buying all those books.

Thereafter, i was running errand for my fren to seeking for a pendrive. After the long sought and hard but i found NO pendrive in the huge halls. 'Thanks' for the bastard that pointing me in a wrong direction of cos!! So i was already pretty irritated. And then there's a staff who miscalculated the amount for my bill and she ask me to repay the bill again after my half hour waiting period in cashier counter. Means another 30 mins gotta be wasting away!!! I'm really pissed off cos she showed me the f**king cheek and said," yeah yeah.. i know.." when i'm telling that i was actually rushing on time.

Not wanting to cause a commotion, i whispered to my mom," how dare she stil yeah yeah at me.. bloody hell.. it's IMPOSSIBLE for her NOT to know the exact price of the pendrive.. then stil come and yeah me..why couldn't she just apologise?? freaking sh**." i think she overheard me and she read me with a super black face and didn't dare to say anything else.

I felt like leaving the place, but knowing that i had to endure for it since the pendrive wasnt for me, i didnt hav much choice. Throughout the next 30mins on waiting line, i didn't utter a single word. My mom must have noticed too so she tried lighting things up but i jus ain't the mood to feel anythings.

And i feel so sorry now, mb i just shoudn't gave vent to my feeling in such way..

By any means, i do enjoyed d moments i shared v my family today. And i love the books i bought of cos, lolz..

The news of those cyclone and earth quake hits are what interest me rite now.. i'm seeing miracles, but of cos, adding on pain, because people DO die in there, but the rescuers are doing their best to save everyone. hopefully they'll get more survivors.

I dunno what else to say about Myanmar's junta. Why cant they jus accept the humanitarian aide to save their citizens at first? Don't their people come to be the first priority? And then when they do get the help, their own army goes and steals it.. Talk about being a laugh stock. This is one good reason for me to start reading the news online now. Good start though.. Cos i never liked reading newspapers. Too many deaths, pains and sorrows. Everyday.

If only Miss Congeniality's words work now.

" World Peace. "

About how my mood changes freakingly fast.

Like a speeding boat speeding its life away being pursued by cops.

Like a frightened cat turning its way and running as fast as it legs could carry it once it sees a dog.

Like a damn moron trying to shirk responsibility after he realizes he commits a mistake.

Like a double-sided snake dweeb who turns against you after saying u make an impact in his life.

My freaking mood.

It change from good to bad,

It turns from bad to worse,

It faded from worse to silence.

That's how my mood is right now.

突然想起，有好多事想做，要做，必须做。想到此，二话不说，头就眩了起来。

我又再又在虚度光阴了！

只不过是被我遗忘了一个下午的繁杂琐事，一下子全部又都回来了。

真是加倍烦！

喝加倍的咖啡也没用。

每天做一个决定，下一个决心似乎也不是办法。

事情为什么不能光想就实现？

所以我说，宁愿悲观，这样比较能够接受失败。

午夜的心情化为布丁，哪怕只是丁点的波动，都会不安份，使劲地摇晃着。

郁闷的夜里，心情也发了霉。

看电视太多，所以眼睛很累。

想事情太多，所以心里很累。

我麽？

心情不好的时间比好的多，

可看起来却很快乐？

呵呵！

因为我有超能力。